On the Outs With the In-Laws
Every once and a while we have a reader write in and ask for some sister 2 sister advice. When they do, we gather some of my favorite girls and we do what we do best, talk and pull from our own experiences to offer the best advice we can!
Dear We Sisters,
I had an issue with my sister-in-law, and because of it my relationship has gotten bad with my in-laws. I have tried it all, reached out, continued to be respectful and even done some serious butt-kissing, but nothing has come from it. This has previously even caused arguments with my husband, but now even he recommends that I stop trying, seeing as they refuse to respond positively. What should I do? Should I keep trying?
On the Outs
Dear on the Outs,
Tasha: Here’s how we handle this situation in our house. My in-laws don’t accept me or my children, and that’s their loss. However, I love and respect my husband enough to let him know that he can carry on a relationship with them (they are his parents, after all) but I refuse to have that negativity be a part of my children’s life. I refuse to speak to, or of, them. But I never discourage him. I listen to everything he has to say about his family, without putting my feelings in it. Regardless of how they make me feel, I am still a HUGE advocate for family. When all else fails, they should have your back and that’s what I want for my husband. That is why I want him to stay connected. Above all you can’t be angry at your husband for who his family is.
Linds: Continue to be respectful, but for now lose the expectations of having a close relationship with your in-laws. Family is important, so continue to encourage your spouse to keep the lines of communication open and hopefully he can encourage his parents to do the same. As for you, your priority is to your husband and your children. Continue to support them and try not to make things harder for your spouse, as he is in a crappy situation. Hopefully, they will regret losing time with their grandchildren. Retrospect often comes with time. Hopefully, it will happen for your family sooner than later.
JoJo: I believe that when conflict occurs, and you have done everything possible to bring resolve and peace to the situation (but still get no response), then the next option is to step back and let time heal. Be willing to accept and apologize for any wrong doings. Sometimes we think we are doing the right thing, but once we step back and look at the bigger picture we are able to see where we went wrong. Sometimes we even realize that though our intentions were good, it simply was not a good idea. What matters most is that you were honest (especially with yourself) and that you were willing to agree to disagree. Once you know that you have made every effort possible, let your actions speak for themselves, and allow the process to take it’s course.